Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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