you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
