My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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