I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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