I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm passing your future prison.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
