I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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