i would punch a child for taco bell
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Found your dick twin last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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