I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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