She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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