its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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