so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We left the knife in your bed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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