i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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