lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
