Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
