You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
