he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
