Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she peed on how many people?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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