I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
