i just made my gag reflex go away.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
