Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
