Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
