Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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