in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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