seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
