i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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