if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
