He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
