i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
