I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
