i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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