I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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