I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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