we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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