...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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