fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
