He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
