A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
