I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
