Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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