last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
