But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
