3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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