Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
