I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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