I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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