you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Everyone says I win the strip club
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
