someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I need to stop coming to work sober
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
