I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
