Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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