I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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